"'Honor your father and mother'"--which is the first commandment with a promise--'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.'" Eph. 6:2
What is it like for you to pick out Father's Day or Mother's Day cards? There are the sappy Father's Day cards with pictures of sailboats or dad and lad playing catch. They say things like: "You were always there for me...," or "Thank your for your wonderful example." Or, the Mother's Day cards with flowers that talk about how kind and gentle mother is. For me, sentiments like that feel dishonest and insincere. And, so, if I purchase a card at all it is always a comical one. In recent years, I've just foregone the card and had my folks over for dinner. The greeting card industry is not very good at doing what God commands---honoring imperfect parents. The command, after all, is honor your father and mother. Not honor your father and mother, unless . . . . There are no exceptions.
You can't really blame the greeting card people. It's a very tricky thing. Over the years, I've given a lot of thought to this command and to the issue of honoring imperfect parents. I'm left with more questions than answers. How does one honor an alcoholic father? Does honoring him mean pretending that there's nothing wrong? Does honoring him mean forgetting about the past? Or hiding his sins and my hurts?
I wouldn't know what to tell someone about how to honor, for example, a physically abusive parent. For me, I feel that honoring my parents has been about forgiving them for their mistakes and thanking them for what they were able to give me. And, then, it's been about giving them my love, time, service, hospitality and encouragement. Sometimes, it has meant giving them those things even though they don't know how to receive them.
Sunday was my parents' 46th Anniversary. It's been a hard 46 years, but through it all they've somehow stayed together. Their committment to marriage is something worth celebrating and something that I'm sure has profoundly blessed me in ways that I can't begin to understand. Christina and I invited them over for Sunday dinner. I told them that 46 years was a big deal and something that we wanted to celebrate with them. I made some of their favorite things: steaks, twice baked potatoes and grilled veggies. They spent a little time with their grandkids. We had ice cream. They left. I don't have an ideal relationship with my parents, and I probably never will. I don't think honoring my parents requires me to deny that. I don't think "honoring" means pretending that everything is the way it should be. It does not mean buying the sappy card. I've come to believe that honoring my imperfect parents means moving beyond my regrets and sense of loss and giving thanks for the parents God gave me and loving them as they are the best that I can. I pray that someday my kids can do as much for their very imperfect dad.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Week 28: The One Who Asks
"Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." ~ Matthew 5:42
This week's command started me thinking about panhandlers. We don't see many of them out here in the suburbs, although I've noticed a few more lately hanging out at the Interstate off-ramps and outside of Wal-Mart. In St. Louis, where we go to church and often visit friends, we see them frequently. For short periods of time, I've lived in other places, including Chicago and the Balkans, where rampant panhandling existed.
Over the years, with a few exceptions, my strategy for dealing with panhandlers has been to walk (or drive) quickly past them without making eye contact. I'm not without compassion for the poor, but I hate being taken advantage of. A lot of panhandlers are not what they seem. Most are not homeless. If you give money away to panhandlers, some of them will turn around and use it to buy drugs and alcohol. Some panhandlers are also making a pretty good living at it. If you want to learn a bit more, check out this article from SeattlePI.com.
Many groups that advocate on behalf of the poor ask people not to give money to panhandlers, but rather to give money to worthy organizations that help meet the basic needs of homeless people. In St. Louis, it doesn't get more worthy than The Bridge.
So, the panhandler issue seems pretty clear. It's just not wise to give to panhandlers. Right? Once again, I'm running up against the uncompromising nature of these Biblical commands. There's no loophole in this command. There's no room for excuses and justifications. It's simply: "Give to the one who asks you."
Feeling cornered by a command that I really don't like, I turned to John Piper this week. I was hoping that Piper, one of our great living Christian Bible scholars, could put this command into context and help me understand why I don't need to give to panhandlers. No such luck. Here is what Pastor Piper has to say:
John Piper, Palm Sunday Sermon, April 13, 2003
I'm stuck. There's no denying what this command requires. The only question is whether I will follow Him, or not. For us Christians, obedience is not optional. To paraphrase Martin Luther, if you're not going to do what your Bible says, then just throw it in the garbage with the banana peels and the used coffee filters.
To be honest, however, I still don't feel very good about handing cash to panhandlers knowing that many of them will use it to supply their drug and alcohol habits. Certainly there is room for wisdom and discernment as we seek to apply God's commands in our lives. I think it's a question of motives. If we're holding back from giving because we can't stand the possibility of being taken advantage of, then our hearts are wrong. If we're reluctant to hand out cash because we don't want to enable substance abuse, then I think that's OK. So, here, for lack of a better word, is my "compromise."
I've loaded up my wallet, my Honda, and our family Swagger Wagon with McDonald's gift certificates. They come in one-dollar denominations. The plan is to give a couple gift certificates to panhandlers, in lieu of cash. There are over 31,000 McDonald's restaurants in the United States, which means that if you're near civilization there's one within walking distance. McDonald's has a lot of stuff on its $1 menu, including yogurt parfaits (my favorite McDonald's item), cheeseburgers, fruit pies, small drinks, and side salads. I haven't run into any panhandlers since I picked up the gift certificates, but I'm excited about being prepared to respond with some practical help.
The McDonald's Dollar Menu:
This week's command started me thinking about panhandlers. We don't see many of them out here in the suburbs, although I've noticed a few more lately hanging out at the Interstate off-ramps and outside of Wal-Mart. In St. Louis, where we go to church and often visit friends, we see them frequently. For short periods of time, I've lived in other places, including Chicago and the Balkans, where rampant panhandling existed.
Over the years, with a few exceptions, my strategy for dealing with panhandlers has been to walk (or drive) quickly past them without making eye contact. I'm not without compassion for the poor, but I hate being taken advantage of. A lot of panhandlers are not what they seem. Most are not homeless. If you give money away to panhandlers, some of them will turn around and use it to buy drugs and alcohol. Some panhandlers are also making a pretty good living at it. If you want to learn a bit more, check out this article from SeattlePI.com.
Many groups that advocate on behalf of the poor ask people not to give money to panhandlers, but rather to give money to worthy organizations that help meet the basic needs of homeless people. In St. Louis, it doesn't get more worthy than The Bridge.
So, the panhandler issue seems pretty clear. It's just not wise to give to panhandlers. Right? Once again, I'm running up against the uncompromising nature of these Biblical commands. There's no loophole in this command. There's no room for excuses and justifications. It's simply: "Give to the one who asks you."
Feeling cornered by a command that I really don't like, I turned to John Piper this week. I was hoping that Piper, one of our great living Christian Bible scholars, could put this command into context and help me understand why I don't need to give to panhandlers. No such luck. Here is what Pastor Piper has to say:
Suppose you die and you're standing before Jesus Christ, who surrendered his body to spitting and shame and torture and death so that undeserving sinners (like you and me) might be drawn into eternal joy, and he inquires how you handled the people who asked you for money - you know, panhandlers, beggars, street people, drunks, drifters. What would you say?
. . .
[Y]our'e not going to feel very good about saying, "I never got taken advantage of. I saw through their schemes. I devloped really shrewd counter-questions that would expose them. So I hardly ever had to give anything." Do you know what I think the Lord Jesus is going to say to that - the Lord Jesus, the consummately, willingly, savingly abused and exploited Jesus? I think he is going to say, "That was an exquisite imitation of the world. Even sinners give to those who deserve to be given to. Even sinners pride themselves on not being taken advantage of."
John Piper, Palm Sunday Sermon, April 13, 2003
I'm stuck. There's no denying what this command requires. The only question is whether I will follow Him, or not. For us Christians, obedience is not optional. To paraphrase Martin Luther, if you're not going to do what your Bible says, then just throw it in the garbage with the banana peels and the used coffee filters.
To be honest, however, I still don't feel very good about handing cash to panhandlers knowing that many of them will use it to supply their drug and alcohol habits. Certainly there is room for wisdom and discernment as we seek to apply God's commands in our lives. I think it's a question of motives. If we're holding back from giving because we can't stand the possibility of being taken advantage of, then our hearts are wrong. If we're reluctant to hand out cash because we don't want to enable substance abuse, then I think that's OK. So, here, for lack of a better word, is my "compromise."
I've loaded up my wallet, my Honda, and our family Swagger Wagon with McDonald's gift certificates. They come in one-dollar denominations. The plan is to give a couple gift certificates to panhandlers, in lieu of cash. There are over 31,000 McDonald's restaurants in the United States, which means that if you're near civilization there's one within walking distance. McDonald's has a lot of stuff on its $1 menu, including yogurt parfaits (my favorite McDonald's item), cheeseburgers, fruit pies, small drinks, and side salads. I haven't run into any panhandlers since I picked up the gift certificates, but I'm excited about being prepared to respond with some practical help.
The McDonald's Dollar Menu:
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Week 27: The Man with Eight Tunics
John answered, "The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same." ~ Luke 3:11
John the Baptist paved the way for Jesus, calling people to repentance. And, of all the things he could have identified as evidence of true repentance, he focused on conduct related to money and possessions. If we have extra clothing and food, then we should share with those that don't have enough. Tax collectors and soldiers should not take more money, John said, than what they are legally entitled to. John 3:12-14. The message is clear: having faith in God and His promises changes how one accumulates and manages wealth.
Everything that we have is from God and belongs to Him. If we really believed that, then it would be naturally expressed in how we make money, give it away, save it and spend it. We wouldn't need any further instructions. In God's great wisdom and knowing that we are still works in progress, He gives us some specific guidelines. The tithe is one example. It's one thing to say that everything you have belongs to God, it's something else entirely to give the first ten percent of your income to His church. As we live out God's commands about money and possessions, our hearts turn towards God and our faith in Him grows. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34.
For the next few weeks, The James 1:22 Project will focus on commands related to giving and caring for the poor and needy. John the Baptist gives us a good starting point. If you have more clothes or food than you need, share with those who have less than they need. This isn't a call to sacrificial giving. It's a call to give out of your surplus. It's "Giving 101."
A few times each year, City Lights, sponsors a "free day" for needy families in our community. Church members are invited to donate food and new and gently used clothes. A couple of incredibly diligent and gifted young women put in a lot of work behind the scenes getting things organized and recruiting helpers. It's a practical way for City Lights to help families in our community and a great opportunity to practice obeying this command.
It's a bit tricky to blog about giving. We're not supposed to announce our giving with trumpets to be honored by men. So, let me just make this confession. I had eight coats. Eight! A few of them I had received as gifts. One was an Army issued overcoat that hasn't fit me for about ten years. But, regardless of how I got them, I had eight coats hanging in my closet. We've been doing "free day" at City Lights for a few years. Christina and I have always made a donation, but it's never occurred to me to give away some of my surplus coats. My failure wasn't due to greed. I didn't really want all of those coats. Keeping them, rather than giving them away, was a result of neglect and thoughtlessness, pure and simple. The lesson for me this week is that I should be more mindful of the surplus that God has given me and more intentional about giving from that surplus.
John the Baptist paved the way for Jesus, calling people to repentance. And, of all the things he could have identified as evidence of true repentance, he focused on conduct related to money and possessions. If we have extra clothing and food, then we should share with those that don't have enough. Tax collectors and soldiers should not take more money, John said, than what they are legally entitled to. John 3:12-14. The message is clear: having faith in God and His promises changes how one accumulates and manages wealth.
Everything that we have is from God and belongs to Him. If we really believed that, then it would be naturally expressed in how we make money, give it away, save it and spend it. We wouldn't need any further instructions. In God's great wisdom and knowing that we are still works in progress, He gives us some specific guidelines. The tithe is one example. It's one thing to say that everything you have belongs to God, it's something else entirely to give the first ten percent of your income to His church. As we live out God's commands about money and possessions, our hearts turn towards God and our faith in Him grows. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34.
For the next few weeks, The James 1:22 Project will focus on commands related to giving and caring for the poor and needy. John the Baptist gives us a good starting point. If you have more clothes or food than you need, share with those who have less than they need. This isn't a call to sacrificial giving. It's a call to give out of your surplus. It's "Giving 101."
A few times each year, City Lights, sponsors a "free day" for needy families in our community. Church members are invited to donate food and new and gently used clothes. A couple of incredibly diligent and gifted young women put in a lot of work behind the scenes getting things organized and recruiting helpers. It's a practical way for City Lights to help families in our community and a great opportunity to practice obeying this command.
It's a bit tricky to blog about giving. We're not supposed to announce our giving with trumpets to be honored by men. So, let me just make this confession. I had eight coats. Eight! A few of them I had received as gifts. One was an Army issued overcoat that hasn't fit me for about ten years. But, regardless of how I got them, I had eight coats hanging in my closet. We've been doing "free day" at City Lights for a few years. Christina and I have always made a donation, but it's never occurred to me to give away some of my surplus coats. My failure wasn't due to greed. I didn't really want all of those coats. Keeping them, rather than giving them away, was a result of neglect and thoughtlessness, pure and simple. The lesson for me this week is that I should be more mindful of the surplus that God has given me and more intentional about giving from that surplus.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Week 26: Rotten, Unwholesome Talk
The command for last week was Ephesians 4:29.
The goal was to watch the way I talked and to not say anything rotten or unwholesome, but to say only helpful encouraging things. As usual, the result was a mix of success and failure. As I paid closer attention to my speech, I realized that some things I say, at work and at home, are just plain mean. At the office, cutting humor and sarcasm are widespread. In fact, it's the predominant way that co-workers talk to each other. Have you ever noticed how much humor is based on tearing others down? Or, how much mean-spirited talk is passed off as humor? I'm as guilty as anyone of engaging in it.
At home, I speak too harshly to my boys. I've recently started the nasty habit of telling the boys to "shut-up." It usually happens like this. I've asked one of them to do something simple. "Son, go wash your hands for supper." The boy proceeds to tell me that he hasn't had enough time to play or that he doesn't want any supper or that he just washed his hands yesterday. "Son, SHUT-UP, and go wash your hands!" When I say it, there's no affection, good will, or grace in it. It comes from a place of frustration, anger and pride. I just want to be obeyed, and now. It offends my pride that a seven-year old, or a four-year old argues with me. So, just "shut-up" and do what I asked. All very normal for parents. And, sinful.
The Bible calls us to look at our language in a new way. We're commanded to make our speech a means of grace and encouragement. In other words, it's not Christian to just stop saying mean, nasty, dirty things. The mark of a Christian is someone who says grace-filled encouraging things. I learned in weeks twenty-four and twenty-five that the best way to get rid of complaining speech is to replace it with thanksgiving. Likewise, Paul tells us in Ephesians that the way to get rid of any type of unwholesome speech is to replace it with grace-filled, encouraging speech.
How can we succeed in transforming our speech? Ultimately, it is a work of God in us. Our words are the overflow of our hearts. A Christian indwelled by the Holy Spirit is cleansed from the inside out, and God's work of sanctification in our hearts will bear fruit in our lives and speech. On the other hand, we're not excused from working cooperatively with the Spirit as we're in process. In our speech as in all areas of our lives, we are called to work out our salvation. It's not just that our hearts direct our speech. Our speech also directs our hearts, like a ship's rudder or the bit in a horse's mouth. See James 3:3-6. It's what comes out our mouths that makes us unclean. Matthew 15:11. I'm praying that God would uproot anger and mean-spiritedness from my heart and that the fruit of the Spirit (kindness, goodness, gentleness) would overflow. I'm also resolving to work at replacing my rotten, unwholesome talk with grace-filled encouraging speech.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)
"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps; each word a gift." (The Message)
"No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need, in order to give grace to those who hear." (Holman Christian Standard)
The goal was to watch the way I talked and to not say anything rotten or unwholesome, but to say only helpful encouraging things. As usual, the result was a mix of success and failure. As I paid closer attention to my speech, I realized that some things I say, at work and at home, are just plain mean. At the office, cutting humor and sarcasm are widespread. In fact, it's the predominant way that co-workers talk to each other. Have you ever noticed how much humor is based on tearing others down? Or, how much mean-spirited talk is passed off as humor? I'm as guilty as anyone of engaging in it.
At home, I speak too harshly to my boys. I've recently started the nasty habit of telling the boys to "shut-up." It usually happens like this. I've asked one of them to do something simple. "Son, go wash your hands for supper." The boy proceeds to tell me that he hasn't had enough time to play or that he doesn't want any supper or that he just washed his hands yesterday. "Son, SHUT-UP, and go wash your hands!" When I say it, there's no affection, good will, or grace in it. It comes from a place of frustration, anger and pride. I just want to be obeyed, and now. It offends my pride that a seven-year old, or a four-year old argues with me. So, just "shut-up" and do what I asked. All very normal for parents. And, sinful.
The Bible calls us to look at our language in a new way. We're commanded to make our speech a means of grace and encouragement. In other words, it's not Christian to just stop saying mean, nasty, dirty things. The mark of a Christian is someone who says grace-filled encouraging things. I learned in weeks twenty-four and twenty-five that the best way to get rid of complaining speech is to replace it with thanksgiving. Likewise, Paul tells us in Ephesians that the way to get rid of any type of unwholesome speech is to replace it with grace-filled, encouraging speech.
How can we succeed in transforming our speech? Ultimately, it is a work of God in us. Our words are the overflow of our hearts. A Christian indwelled by the Holy Spirit is cleansed from the inside out, and God's work of sanctification in our hearts will bear fruit in our lives and speech. On the other hand, we're not excused from working cooperatively with the Spirit as we're in process. In our speech as in all areas of our lives, we are called to work out our salvation. It's not just that our hearts direct our speech. Our speech also directs our hearts, like a ship's rudder or the bit in a horse's mouth. See James 3:3-6. It's what comes out our mouths that makes us unclean. Matthew 15:11. I'm praying that God would uproot anger and mean-spiritedness from my heart and that the fruit of the Spirit (kindness, goodness, gentleness) would overflow. I'm also resolving to work at replacing my rotten, unwholesome talk with grace-filled encouraging speech.
Our Little Darling Josie
"When Josie comes home
So good
She's the pride of the neighborhood."
~ Josie by Steely Dan
"God bless you darling Josie
With your sparklin' eyes so bright and clear
Josie, I won't fail ya,
I won't fail you; have no fear."
~ Josie by Donovan
This has absolutely nothing directly to do with the The James 1:22 Project, but I know many of my readers will be curious about our little darling Josie and anxious for more pictures. We're all doing fairly well. Having a new baby is one thing. Having a new baby with two little boys underfoot is something else entirely. We're hanging in there, thanks to the support, help and prayers we've received from friends and family. Just when things were starting to feel manageable again, I came down with a stomach bug this weekend. [To be honest, the stomach bug was pretty awful. On the other hand, I'm thankful: (1) for the extra time in the sanctuary of my bathroom to get some reading done, (2) that I've survived it, and (3) that, for now, it hasn't spread to anyone else in the family!] We'll take all the prayers we can get.
Our dear friend Casey gave us her Saturday morning to take some photographs of our darling Josie. The pictures are beautiful. We're grateful for Casey's time, talent, obedience to God and, most of all, her friendship. Bless you and your family, Casey. Thank you for serving us in this wonderful way. Here is a sample photo, below. Casey, if you want to sue over this flagrant copyright violation, I know a good lawyer. You can see some more lovely pictures over at Casey's blog.
.jpg)
So good
She's the pride of the neighborhood."
~ Josie by Steely Dan
"God bless you darling Josie
With your sparklin' eyes so bright and clear
Josie, I won't fail ya,
I won't fail you; have no fear."
~ Josie by Donovan
This has absolutely nothing directly to do with the The James 1:22 Project, but I know many of my readers will be curious about our little darling Josie and anxious for more pictures. We're all doing fairly well. Having a new baby is one thing. Having a new baby with two little boys underfoot is something else entirely. We're hanging in there, thanks to the support, help and prayers we've received from friends and family. Just when things were starting to feel manageable again, I came down with a stomach bug this weekend. [To be honest, the stomach bug was pretty awful. On the other hand, I'm thankful: (1) for the extra time in the sanctuary of my bathroom to get some reading done, (2) that I've survived it, and (3) that, for now, it hasn't spread to anyone else in the family!] We'll take all the prayers we can get.
Our dear friend Casey gave us her Saturday morning to take some photographs of our darling Josie. The pictures are beautiful. We're grateful for Casey's time, talent, obedience to God and, most of all, her friendship. Bless you and your family, Casey. Thank you for serving us in this wonderful way. Here is a sample photo, below. Casey, if you want to sue over this flagrant copyright violation, I know a good lawyer. You can see some more lovely pictures over at Casey's blog.
.jpg)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Weeks 24 & 25 (Part 2): Don't Complain; Give Thanks
"Do everything without complaining or arguing." ~ Phil. 2:14
"Always [give] thanks to God for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~ Eph. 5:20
Our daughter, Josie Leigh, was born Friday, July 23, 2010 at 10:13 p.m. She weighed eight pounds and thirteen ounces. As you can see, she has a head full of dark hair and is very beautiful.
Eph. 4:29, 5:3-4.
More on that in about one week. Until then, grace and peace to you.
"Always [give] thanks to God for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~ Eph. 5:20
Our daughter, Josie Leigh, was born Friday, July 23, 2010 at 10:13 p.m. She weighed eight pounds and thirteen ounces. As you can see, she has a head full of dark hair and is very beautiful.
For the last two weeks, The James 1:22 Project has been about replacing complaining speech with thankful speech. The idea is that thankfulness and complaining are incompatible, so I was trying to replace complaining with thanksgiving. You might look at that little darling in the photograph above and think that it would be very easy for me to be thankful right now. And, you would be right. I have plenty to be thankful for. But, as all of you parents know, the blessing of a new baby also comes with stress, fatigue, dirty diapers, and spit-up. Over the last two weeks, in my effort to give thanks and not complain, I've had a mix of success and failure.
One thing I saw over the last two weeks is that my speech directs my mind and heart just as much as my mind and heart direct my speech. The more I gave thanks during the last couple weeks, the more I felt thankful and blessed. Popular psychology would attribute this experience to something called "cognitive dissonance." Basically, the theory of cognitive dissonance is that the mind cannot continue to hold two opposing ideas. So, if you say that you are thankful when you do not feel thankful, then eventually your mind will resolve the conflict by convincing itself that you are, in fact, thankful. Cognitive dissonance theory was developed in the 1950s. The Book of James was written about nineteen hundred years earlier, and, I think provides a much more elegant description of the relationship between our tongues and the rest of us. According to James, your speech is like a bit in your mouth that determines your direction. Using another metaphor, James says that what you say is the rudder that sets the course for your ship. Thus, if we can control our speech, then we will gain control over our minds and bodies as well. James 3:2-6.
Another thing that I noticed over the last two weeks is that thankfulness and complaining are both highly contagious. Almost invariably, if I started giving thanks for things, then I would notice people around me also saying that they were thankful for something. Complaining works the same way, only more so. If thankfulness is as contagious as the flu, then complaining is like ebola or the bubonic plague. This effect is multiplied with kids. I spent a lot of time with my two boys last week, and I used them as guinea pigs. If I mentioned in their presence two or three things that I was thankful for, then without any other prompting from me the boys would start talking about what they were thankful for. On the other hand, if I complained about even one thing, then they would also immediately start complaining.
This week (week 26), I'm done with baby leave and am back to work. For The James 1:22 Project, I'll be concentrating on another speech related command.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. . . . But among you there must not be . . . obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Eph. 4:29, 5:3-4.
More on that in about one week. Until then, grace and peace to you.
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